diatribes

diatribe #01: Landslide, Fleetwood Mac - 08/09/2024

just to get things out of the way, my mother died recently. it is easily the most devastating thing to happen to me and my family. i'm so mad, not just for me; for my dad, my brother, my grandmother, etc. it's wildly unfair. i think when i do these diatribes/diary entries, i'm going to name them after songs. landslide was an easy choice. my mom loved fleetwood mac and this song speaks to me. i'm going into my senior year of college, taking the GRE, applying to grad school. yet only in the past two weeks have i felt like i've had true trans community in this city. i also saw a doctor today about getting phalloplasty. things look good, but it's gonna take around a year of hair removal procedures to get my arm in the right state for them to turn it into my dick (yeah, that's how that works). it's a very interesting procedure, and part of the healing process for my arm is to put something called Integra on it, a false derma. it's made of shark collagen (and stuff from cows) so at the end of this all i'll have a penis and be part shark. the thing about starting the phalloplasty process is that it essentially glues me to my current city and uni, bcoz that's where my insurance is from. i do enjoy my school, but greener pastures etc. etc. we'll see i guess.